


Ivy

by kolvina



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-28 21:58:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14458620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kolvina/pseuds/kolvina
Summary: I am depressed because of Infinity War. Join me in my wallowing.





	Ivy

The aged enfeebled stone walls held together with their last breaths,

they were cracked and flawed, unable to withstand harsh conditions for much longer, 

large stretches of ivy wrapped around them like an embrace,

as if they were trying to keep the wall together,

seemingly their attempts were futile, as the wall crumbled, with debris falling onto the gelid marble floor, dust hanging in the air like a shroud.

 

It appeared that Steve Rogers paid it no mind,

he merely scuffed his worn out boots with the rubble and breathed in the debris like oxygen,

the calamitous war was eradicating the once cerulean city, leaving it to ashes,

that is what war did.

 

They searched the place for survivors.

 

There were none.

 

It was a particularly cold day at war,

as was it somber,

all of the Howling Commandos felt as if their attempts were guileless and fulsome,

even their leader seemed depleted, but he still stood for his city, a symbol of hope, proudly shrouded with his shining shield,

but that was all it was. a shroud. a cloak. a cover. a shield.

his once sagacious attitude was now withering into something foreign in regards to the captain: hopelessness.

 

The emotion radiating off of him was impossible to miss,

so his second in command, a slender young man with magnificent blue eyes that had always had a penchant for trouble, scrutinized the team with his unbreakable icy gaze and no one dared to speak up, though they all knew,

although he was a super soldier,

he was not superhuman,

he felt the same pain that anyone else felt.

 

He took a deep breath,

to keep his eyes off the bodies,

he looked toward the ivy,

 

 _Let the pain be your ivy,_ he told himself

_let it cling to you_

_let it keep you human_

_let it remind you to keep everyone together_

_even when they are falling apart_

_cling to them and don’t you dare let go._

 

-

 

(and so he pushes on. they fight more battles. he pushes on. they grow closer. he pushes on. more fallen brothers. he pushes on. his second in command dies. he pushes on. he’s on the plane. he pushes on. he knows how this is gonna end. he pushes on.)

- 

 

And when he wakes up from the ice, he doesn’t want to push anymore,

instead he stays still,

he stays frozen.

-

 

Everything else in the world has changed,

except it appears the war beats on like an infinite catastrophe,

there is always something to fight, isn’t there?

 

-

Questions plague his mind everyday like a returning migraine:

_why can’t i give it up? why must i remain a soldier? why does the urge to fight run through my veins?_

-

 

He is no longer ivy,

holding things together,

he is the wall,

falling apart

particle by particle

everything he once believed in,

questioned

demolished

everyone he once believed in,

gone

in the blink of an eye.

 

-

Just like he was frozen for those many years,

he definitively decides to remain that way

like that ivy he once saw,

the feeling of emptiness grew on,

growing,

growing,

growing.

-

 

And when his second in command returns,

his eyes the same bright fucking blue they were before

_but god, did they seem even more beautiful_

Steve still feels empty,

why wouldn’t the feeling go away?

 

-

 

(from there, he fights more battles, he makes new brothers, his second in command becomes his again. war still looms.)

 

-

 

He doesn’t think of the cold day at war again,

the day he saw the ivy covered wall,

until he is deep in a forest in Wakanda,

with dread creeping on him

his skin buzzing, making him feel as if he were on fire.

 

-

His eyes meet Bucky’s,

and the thought attacked him quicker than he could even process it,

 _my pain isn’t the only thing like the ivy,_ he thinks.

_you’ve clung to me all around James Buchanan Barnes. it’s like i can’t even breathe._

_it's like my asthma before the serum has resurfaced. i feel your thorns pressing into my skin but it’s a beautiful kind of pain._

_i don’t think i can bear to love anyone but you._

_you are the one thing holding me together, if you let go i will fall apart. i swear to god — i will fall apart._

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

If all was fair in love and war,

why would fate be so cruel and not let his love stay?

she is a fickle harsh mistress,

it's like she peers into his mind,

and flips everything upside down,

and makes his nightmares come alive.

-

 

 

Bucky is now the wall,

he is falling apart

he is falling apart

he is falling apart

but Steve isn’t strong enough,

(oh god has he learned he isn’t, a dastardly realization)

he wishes he could cling to him,

he wishes he could keep him together...

 

Yet he crumbles,

like dust,

like that old baleful wall on the cold day,

vanishing into thin air,

 

_Steve?_

 

The word echoes into the air,

like a phantom tune,

a ghostly whisper,

traveling through the dead silence of the woods. 

 

Bucky isn’t the only one to crumble,

Steve does too,

right down to his knees,

where puts his hand on the forest ground,

and the feeling he hadn’t felt in a long time,

comes back to greet him like an old friend.

 

_Hopelessness, you bastard, I succumb to you_

_Take me too,_

_Oh, please take me too._

**Author's Note:**

> I am depressed because of Infinity War. Join me in my wallowing.


End file.
